


Hidden History

by AlexTheShipper



Series: Vaguely connected and yet disconnected WinterIronShield [2]
Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, M/M, Multi, Nightmares, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Secrets, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-30 16:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8540818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexTheShipper/pseuds/AlexTheShipper
Summary: Tony never meant for anyone to know about his past experience with what others deem child abuse. Yet Natasha knew, Clint knew, Bruce knew, everyone knew. Yet he works hard to allow his boyfriends to hold onto their belief that Howard Stark was a good man.





	1. Thank You Nat.

**Author's Note:**

> Tony may be OOC sorry I have emotions about these characters  
> Warnings, and potentially spoilers.  
> Howard is severely abusive which is depicted in some flashbacks, If this is a trigger do not read. Due to this abuse Tony suffers from a lack of self confidence, masked with over confidence. He has severe PTSD both from Afghanistan and his abuse.

Tony is on his way out of a gala, when he notices a slightly familiar paparazzi tailing behind him.   
“Hello, Casey, was it?” Tony directs toward Christine barely slowing his stride as he heads toward his car. She shoves her microphone into his face with an obnoxious smile, heels clacking against the concrete as she walks, stride confident as she easily keeps up with him. 

“Christine actually.” She corrects with a strained smile, he shrugs. “I wanted to ask you about the information coming from an inside source that Howard Stark abused you.” Tony snorts derisively to hide his shock. 

“As if. Now I need to go, if you have any real questions to ask me, don’t. Okay?” Tony waves the microphone away as he slides into the car. “Hey Happy, get me home.” Happy nods, allowing Tony to wallow in silence for a bit. He sinks back into his seat and presses his hands flat against his thighs to stop their shaking. Picturing Steve, Bucky and Him relaxing on the couch together to calm himself down. 

“You okay Boss?” Happy asks. Tony startles slightly, shaking his hands out. 

“Yeah, of course I’m okay Happy. I’m always okay.” Tony grins at him as if trying to prove his point. “Shouldn’t you be paying attention to getting me home?” He settles back against his seat. 

“Boss we’re already home.” Happy replies, concern coloring his tone. “Are you really okay?” Tony nods, climbing out of the car gracelessly, and heading upstairs. He slips into the elevator and slams the close door button before Happy can continue his very own Spanish inquisition. He stumbles out of the elevator on the common room floor fully intending to change and head straight for the lab. 

“Stark!” Natasha calls from the couch, startling him so bad he knocks one of the bar stools over. 

“Jesus Christ Nat, I need to put bells on all of you super spies.” He’s too far into the sentence to stop before he realizes who he’s talking to. Natasha has the good grace to ignore him, much to his relief. 

“Can I help you?” She asks after a moment of him awkwardly staring at her. He pushes his hands flat against his thighs again. 

“I’ve noticed you know?” He starts, she raises an eyebrow but moves smoothly and silently into a sitting position gesturing for him to sit beside her. “The way you steer conversations for me when you’re around. I don’t know what exactly you know, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was everything. I’m curious to know how you know, but really I just wanna thank you. So thank you for keeping Steve and Bucky from talking about Howard.” He rubs at the back of his neck. “This is awkward can we pretend it didn’t happen.” Natasha reaches out ignoring his slight flinch in order to pull him into a tight hug. 

“You’re not so bad Stark.” She informs him, ruffling his hair playfully. He ducks down trying to shove her arm away. 

“Get off me!” He grumbles, surprised to find himself feeling like a younger brother, or at least what he imagines that feels like. She laughs at him, open and pleased and Tony finds himself struck by a sense of family. He lets out something that could be graciously called a pleased chuckle, and slides under Natasha’s guard for a quick hug.

“Did you just giggle?” An echoing, ungracious voice calls from the ceiling, nearly inaudible under the sound of their laughter, laughter, not giggling. Tony glares up at the ceiling instantly on edge.

“Clint get your nosey ass down here.” Natasha orders in her ‘don’t fuck with me’ voice. Clint’s feet are on the ground before she’s finished talking and he smiles sheepishly at them, nearly giving Tony a heart attack as he considers their previous topic.

“I hate you both.” Tony whines rolling to his feet. Natasha’s an lands on his arm, and he stills obediently while Clint steals his seat. 

“Does this intense conversation have anything to do with the skin grafts?” Clint asks, gesturing towards Tony’s hidden hands. Tony grimaces, eyes going immediately to Natasha. “I’ll take that as a yes. Regularly I’d assume it was Afghanistan related, but Nat wouldn’t really have to figure that out right? Everyone knows about that so Afghanistan is out. Clint is rambling trying to follow his own train of thought, Natasha pivots on the ball of her left foot bringing her right up to snap across Clint’s face. “Jesus Christ what was that for? Did you have to break my cheek bone?” His hand jerks up to cradle his jaw. 

“If I’d needed to break your cheekbone, I would have Clint, stop being a baby. More importantly stop being an ass, just because you treat your issues like a joke doesn’t mean it’s an acceptable way to treat others.” She hisses leading Tony out of the room with a huff, and leaving Clint behind to contemplate exactly what nest of bees he just stepped in. 

“Stop giving me reasons to thank you.” Tony grumbles playfully, as they step into the elevator. He wastes no time hitting the button for his own room, as Natasha hit’s the one for the gym. 

“Stop being the emotional equivalent of a damsel in distress then.” She taunts as the doors slide open. Tony laughs, the rest of the way to his room stripping off the stuffy suit shirt in the thirty-two seconds it takes to get to his floor. He slips into an ACDC tee shirt and changes the fancy pants for a pair of ratty jeans before hopping back in the elevator. 

“J.A.R.V.I.S.” Tony calls out. “Lab please. Tell me what I need to do today.” He leans back against the elevator wall fully prepared to lose himself in work, and calm down.


	2. Problematic Steve

 

“Hey baby.” Bucky calls as the lab doors slide open to reveal a very frazzled Tony. Steve follows him in leaning over to press a kiss to Tony’s cheek. Tony pulls the pen out from between his teeth, and leans up to return the gesture.

 

“Hey guys.” Tony says, wrapping an arm around Bucky in a loose hug. Bruce waves from where he’s stooped over Tony’s desk.

“You ready to come eat?” Bucky asks, ruffling his hair. Tony shakes his head, he’s neck deep in work from Stark industries and Bruce is finally here to work on the SHIELD shit Tony has been avoiding.

“Buck, I can’t. I’m sorry.” Tony mutters apologetically. He wants to, truly, but he’s busy.

“It’s fine Tony, you’re a busy man. Want me to get you some food? Hate for my boyfriend to wither away down here.” Bucky teases good naturedly and Tony feels himself relax. It isn’t until the tension leaves his body that he realizes that he’d expected to be yelled at. Pepper had delegated half his work and she still got pissed when he was too busy for date night, why would Bucky be different? His eyes dart up and Steve glares at him over Bucky’s shoulder.

“If it’s not a problem, I’d appreciate that.” Tony replies. Shooting the soldier an easy grin, nervous eyes darting toward Steve’s face. He knows they’re mad, but he can’t drop his work.

“No problem sweetheart. I’ll be right back.” Bucky assures him leaving Steve behind as he steps into the elevator. Bruce squeezes his shoulder as he walks past. Steve gives him a disappointed glare, and Tony turns back to his work.

“Why couldn’t you be more like Howard? He always made time for his friends.” Steve grumbles harshly, Tony covers a flinch at the harsh words. Although perhaps not well enough considering how Bruce pushes his way between him and, Steve eyes glowing slightly green.

“I was always going to disappoint you Rogers.” Tony states, defeated. Bruce scowls at the super soldier. “Should have known better than to expect anything else.” He turns back to the specs in front of him idly wondering if his work on Bucky’s arm will earn him one howling commando’s respect.

“Rogers.” Bruce grits out between clenched teeth. “I strongly suggest you leave the room before the big guy decides to put a Captain America sized hole in the wall.” Steve’s eyes go wide, darting toward Tony before he darts out of the room.

“Brucie babe. Don’t transform in my lab you’ll squish my stuff.” Tony teases, pulling Bruce back toward him. The scientist puffs out a small breath.

“I’m sorry Tony. I just, I don’t understand why you let them think Howard was so great. Even if Howard was perfect it’s no excuse to talk to you like that.” Bruce grumbles, scowling after Steve. Tony offers him a sad smile.

“They have good memories of him Bruce. I can’t take that away from them, especially not when memories are all they have.” Tony returns his focus to the integration point on Bucky’s arm.

“They’re hurting you Tones. You think they’ll be okay with that when they find out?” Bruce asks. Tony shrugs a shoulder, trying to keep his focus on the project at hand. “Tony they love you. You need to tell them.” Bruce pushes, voice even and gentle. Tony slams his hand down against the table.

“Tell them what Bruce?” He snaps, glaring at the man.

“I may not know the specifics Tones, but I do know what an abused kid looks like.” Bruce replies evenly. Tony flinches back.

“It wasn’t abuse! He never hit me!” Tony hisses, knocking a wrench on the floor as he backs away. Bruce picks it up for him.

“Okay, he didn’t hit you.” Bruce says, as if talking to a frightened animal, He holds out the wrench like a peace offering. “Here” He offers. Tony’s hands shake.

_“Here!” Howard’s voice barks demanding as usual. Tony immediately looks up, and rushes over as fast as his five-year-old legs will carry him._

_“Yes, Sir!” Tony replies, Howard holds out a test tube with a pair of tongs. The glass glows with heat._

_“Put this in the sink.” Howard orders, dropping the test tube into Tony’s bare hands. Tony is forced to stifle a cry as he rushes the test tube to the sink. He turns back toward Howard hands blistering. He’s looking for some praise, or an ice pack, or acknowledgement of any sort. Instead Howard is hunched over his experiment, and Tony is once again forced to find Jarvis to wrap his hands._

“No!” Tony yelps, stumbling away from Bruce’s outstretched hand. His heart rate spikes and he struggles to drag air into his lungs.

“Tony?” Bruce asks, dropping the wrench on the table. Dum-E rolls past him beeping in concern. Tony isn’t prepared for Bucky to suddenly appear defending him from Bruce and Dum-E. But he never really expects anyone to stand up to Bruce, dude is the Hulk.

“Hey Tones, it’s okay, I’m here.” Bucky soothes, hand reaching back toward Tony. Tony grabs it and pulls him around so he can throw himself into Bucky’s arms. “What did you do?” He hisses at Bruce, rubbing a hand over Tony’s back. Bruce raises his hands in surrender.

“Don’t.” Tony pleads, unsure if he’s asking Bucky to stop, or Bruce to keep his secret.  Bruce replies first.

“I’m not okay with this.” Bruce grumbles. Tony relaxes against Bucky’s chest, and Bruce turns to leave.

“Thank you.” Tony whispers. Bucky’s arm snaps out to stop Bruce from leaving. Tony attempts to tug him away before his boyfriend hurts himself attempting to hurt the Hulk.

“Don’t blame me.” Bruce hisses. “Blame your other boyfriend.” He pulls himself out of Bucky’s grip and storms out. Tony sighs, there goes that project.

“What the hell did Steve do?” Bucky demands, forcing Tony to face him, Tony slips inside his guard, face pressed again the soldiers shoulder. “C’mon babe, let’s get you some water than we can talk.” Tony shuffles along with Bucky to the elevator.

“Buck, Don’t be mad at Bruce. He didn’t scare me, it was a flashback, he just tried to hand me a wrench I swear.” Tony stares at his toes, ignoring Bucky’s raised eyebrow. The elevator opens on the common floor and Bucky tugs Tony out and into the spacious kitchen, quickly handing the inventor a glass of water.  

“Fine, I’m not mad at Bruce.” Bucky assures Tony, bumping their hips together playfully. Tony’s heart aches, and he shifts his weight away from the point of contact. He’s preparing himself for when Bucky sides with Steve and he is once again left alone. Bucky doesn’t reach for him, instead settling against the kitchen counter to wait for Tony to gather his thoughts.

“Would you rather date my dad?” Tony blurts after an awkward minute of silence, hands tugging at his hair. Bucky frowns, thrown by the non-sequitur and his own lack of consideration of Howard as a romantic partner.

“Your dad?” Bucky wrinkles his nose. “Not really. I mean, he was a nice enough guy and all, but not really my type.” Bucky explains. Tony tries not to give away that he very much disagrees that Howard was nice enough.

“Steve would.” He mumbles bitterly instead. When he looks up there is an angry fire in Bucky’s eyes, his fists clenched at his side. Tony flinches, he knew Bucky would take Steve’s side. Knew this was coming. He thought he was ready. He wasn’t.

“What did he say to you?” Bucky demands. Tony shrugs, shifting further away, body moving towards the elevator on autopilot. “Tony what did he say?” Bucky demands.

“Nothing Buck. He just wishes I was more like my dad.” Tony shrugs it off. “It’s okay, everyone does.” Bucky’s lip curls up in a snarl, and suddenly Tony can see why the Winter Soldier struck fear into the heart of his enemies.

“Where is my idiot boyfriend?” Bucky hisses, Tony winces. The door to the kitchen swings open.

“Here.” JARVIS chimes in, sounding almost vindictively gleeful. Tony is nearly certain he didn’t program any emotions that advanced. Bucky spins on his heel to glare at Steve.

“Apologize.” Bucky grits out, it’s not a question, and it’s not optional.

“I’m sorry Steve.” Tony says instantly, a pleading note in his voice as his eyes watch the water in his cup move when his hands shake. Bucky frowns at him.

“Not you dummy.” Bucky says, tone soft and loving. “I was talking to that dick bag,” Tony’s jaw nearly hits the floor with the realization, Bucky isn’t mad _at_ him, he’s mad _for_ him.

“Language.” Steve says, earning Bucky’s most deadpan glare. “I just wanted to spend time with him Buck. We don’t share dinner, or a bed, or anything.” He crosses his arms stubbornly, always that little bit too self-righteous for Bucky’s tastes.

“Well if you plan to behave like a selfish caveman neither of us will want to spend the free time we have with you. He has a life outside of our relationship Steve, it’s called a job. Just because he didn’t do exactly what you wanted doesn’t give you the right to act like a prick Steve.” Bucky storms past Steve dragging Tony behind him. Tony offers Steve a sad smile as he’s dragged past.

“You stood up for me.” Tony whispers, awed. Bucky is glaring at air, but Tony is walking on it. He wraps his arms around Bucky’s neck, delighted. Bucky barely moves from the sudden impact, holding onto Tony, gentle, but firm.

“Of course I stood up for you beautiful.” Bucky answers, pulling back enough to look Tony in the eyes. “I love you Tones, and he was being a dick.” Tony giggles, pulling Bucky back into a hug as the elevator comes to a stop. The doors open slower than usual and Bucky suspects that’s JARVIS’s way of letting them have a moment.

“Yeah but he’s Steve, and you’re Bucky. It’s you two against the world, has been since the forties.” Tony explains. “I’d always thought it would be you two against me if it ever came down to it.” He sounds reverent. Bucky wishes he wasn’t so surprised to be loved.

“Tony I want you to listen to me, okay?” Bucky asks. Tony nods. “I can’t promise I’ll always be on your side. But I can promise I will never leave you out in the cold. Steve may be being a bit of a dick right now.” Tony snorts inelegantly at that. “He’ll get over himself though. And someday I might be a bit of a dick or you might, but we aren’t breaking up with Steve now and Steve and I won’t break up with you then.” This little speech earns him a gentle kiss from Tony.

“Stay while I work?” Tony asks when he pulls away. He gives Bucky his best puppy dog eyes. They aren’t needed.

“Oh don’t look at me like that.” Bucky grumbles gently pushing Tony’s face away. His smile falls. “Of course I’m staying. I can’t leave my fella all alone down here.” Bucky assures, the beaming smile immediately returns to Tony’s face. Bucky drops a kiss on his nose before letting Tony tow him over toward the lab couch.

“J, give me the newest Quin-jet plans on my tablet please.” Tony requests, Bucky snatches up the sandwich he brought down for Tony earlier. 

“Certainly Sir.” JARVIS replies, Tony grins and shoves Bucky down onto the couch, trusting the soldier to keep the plate in his hand steady. He stretches out against Bucky’s chest, head tucked under Bucky’s chin. Bucky wraps an arm around his waist and watches Tony get lost in the specs in front of him. Bucky’s breath is warm in his hair. Time passes nearly unnoticed by Tony with Bucky sneaking bits of sandwich into his mouth when he’s not paying attention. Suddenly Bucky stiffens, and Tony is pulled out of his daze to see Steve entering the lab.

“Hi.” Steve says, not moving from the doorway. Bucky glares at him, but Tony just shifts back into Bucky’s chest, and maybe that is worse.

“What?” Bucky snaps before Tony can figure out what to say, Tony shushes him, but that one angry word is enough to make Steve look chastised.

“I’m sorry Tony. I behaved poorly, I was a bully.” Steve rubs at the back of his neck awkwardly. “I haven’t been sleeping that great. I keep getting cold, dream about the ice y’know?” Steve mumbles eyes settled on his shoes like a guilty Toffler. Bucky glares at him, but Tony just nods in acknowledgement. “I know that’s not an excuse I’ve been a dick and I shouldn’t have been.”

“Language.” Tony teases, smiles lighting up his face, eyes laughing. Steve doesn’t respond clearly determined to say what he feels he needs to.

“I just, I need you to know that I miss you when you stay down here, and that I’m sorry I acted like a bully. You deserve better.” Steve sucks in a deep breath and turns to leave.

“Oh get over here you big lug.” Tony calls before he can take a step toward the door. Steve turns around to find Tony holding his arms out and Bucky reaching around him to grab the tablet from Tony’s lap before it can fall to the floor.

“Are you sure?” Steve asks, as if he’s not sure he deserves something as simple as a hug.

“Get over here.” Bucky demands gruffly. And Steve allows himself to fall into their arms. Tony presses his lips into his shoulder. Bucky ruffles his hair.

“I have an idea.” Tony blurts pulling back from the hug as much as possible when squished between two super soldiers. “To fix the whole missing me, and sleep issue.” He flaps a hand at Steve to encompass him as a person. Bucky raises an eyebrow at him, Steve just looks eager.

“Well my bed is rather big, and Bucky is rather warm. If Steve were in a Bucky Tony sandwich maybe he wouldn’t dream he was cold.” They both stare for a second too long and Tony starts to backpedal. “ Or not, I can just build you a fancy ass electric blanket, no big deal, Bucky squeezes him gently.

“No, no. Tones, that sounds, it sounds really nice. Sharing a bed with both my fellas.” Steve kisses his forehead and Tony blushes at the praise.

“I agree Stevie it sounds real nice. But Stark, I gotta know, is this you asking us to move in?” Bucky teases. Tony laughs, happy and relaxed.

“As if you don’t already live in my house?” Tony asks, trying to smirk between giggles. “Might as well share a bedroom.” He wiggles his eyebrows playfully, and Bucky bursts out laughing. “Hey I’m sexy!” Tony cries, playing at outraged. Steve cracks up, snorting inelegantly. “Hey!” Tony cries, tugging on them as he stifles his own laughs as long as he can. He doesn’t last long before a giggling fit steals the air from his lungs. They wind up curled together on the couch instead of Tony’s big bed. It’s as good a place as any to sleep.


	3. Pranks with Thor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thor having a vine in which he pranks people has been a head canon of mine for ages, and this was a chance for me to work it into a story. This is set some time after the events of the last chapter.

“Fuck Darcy.” Tony mumbles into the underside of his mustang. The green one, not the red one. He honestly doesn’t know for certain that she’s responsible but he can’t think of anyone else who would have gotten Thor a goddamn vine when he certainly didn’t do it. Even if she did it could have been Clint who convinced him to prank the Avengers by handing them his hammer when they weren’t paying attention. Yet Tony had made a decision. This was Darcy’s fault.

Steve had been first.

_“BROTHER STEVEN HOLD THIS?” Thor requests, voice booming like normal. Steve barely looks up from where he’s attempting to text when he reaches out to take whatever Thor is offering. Steve goes down like a sack of potatoes and Thor’s vines go viral._

Tony knows that Thor plans to get them all, and that he is the last one on the list. If he wasn’t the only one left it would be downright hilarious. But the moment Thor drives Tony directly into a panic attack it would go even more viral than Steve’s graceless collapse. Tony is terrified.

“Sir, Thor has once again entered the tower.” JARVIS warns him, it’s the fourth time in three days. Tony scowls at the underside of the car, dropping his wrench to the floor.

"I can't handle much more of this." Tony grumbles, wheeling out from under the car. His fingers tense around the dolly he’s lying on.

"Brother Stark!" Thor’s voice booms louder than the average person but average as far as Thor goes. Without the warning from JARVIS it would have startled him.

"Hey lightning brains." Tony replies, rummaging through his toolbox to avoid dealing with the situation in front of him.

"I have made you coffee!" Thor announces. Holding out a steaming cup like a proud kid, Tony finds it strangely reminiscent of DUM-E the first time the bot made him a smoothie.

"Thanks Thor, just set it down on the workbench over there please." He says, picking up his wrench, and rolling back under the car. For a moment, he can see Thor's baffled face as he sets the coffee down. He's glad the car hides his shaking hands.

"You're Welcome brother Anthony." Thor replies, slightly confused at the rebuff. Tony knows he seems ungrateful, but he does appreciate the coffee, but the invasion into his lab, and the inherent threat of Thor’s presence lately leaves him anxious and shaking.

_"Anthony!" Howard yells, voice booming through the lab._

_"Yes Sir." Tony replies, scrambling across the lab. Howard waves his hand at a shattered test tube._

_"Clean up this mess." Howard growls. “Now.” He hisses when Tony doesn’t start immediately. Tony flinches, and rushes to pick up the pieces, dropping one when it slices his hand._

_"Sorry Sir." He mumbles. Howard rolls his eyes._

_"If you're not going to be helpful get out of my lab." Howard orders. Tony panics at the thought of being locked back in the closet, his heart rate skyrockets._

_"No sir. I can be useful." Tony insists, brushing the glass off the table with one hand_.

"Fuck, JARVIS?" Tony calls, and for a moment he doesn’t know which Jarvis he’s asking for. Biting back his own panic, he starts counting.

"Sir, it is March third 2017, you are in New York City. You're safe Sir. Thor exited the workshop approximately 12 minutes ago." JARVIS informs him. Tony breathes, and then he nods, rolling out from under his car.

"I'm safe." Tony sighs. Staring up at the roof. "He's dead."

"Yes Sir. I will always keep you safe, and in the interest of doing so I have a request." JARVIS informs him. Tony perks up. Dum-E hovers over him, beeping curiously.

"Really? A request?" Tony asks, patting Dum-E comfortingly.

"Yes sir. I was wondering if perhaps you'd be willing to talk to Thor." JARVIS requests. Dum-E beeps enthusiastically at him.

"I can't." Tony sighs. "I haven't even told Steve, and Bucky. I can't tell Thor." Dum-E taps him with his claw in a way that would be comforting if Dum-E didn't underestimate his own strength.

"Sir, you don't have to tell him your history. Merely imply a bad past, and inform him that he could attempt another type of prank." JARVIS explains, and Tony wonders when his AI learned how to plead.

"You think that'll work?" Tony asks. Dum-E whirls around in a circle beeping cheerfully. "Shut up you." Tony waves his wrench at the robot until it quiets down.

"Sir, I think talking with Thor would be for the best." JARVIS says, Tony groans.

"God y'all are so pushy." He whines. Dum-E pokes him, and Tony leans against the robot. "I love you too dummy." The robot practically screams in excitement, and Tony cringes. "Christ Dum-E chill. J, where's the big guy at?" Tony asks.

"Sir, Thor is in his quarters." JARVIS says. Tony groans, and Dum-E attempts to push him upright.

"I'm going I'm going." Tony says, rolling to his feet. "Clean up my tools, and do not touch the fire extinguisher. Don't do it." Dum-E beeps sadly and Tony laughs, patting his head on the way to the elevator. Tony opens his mouth just as the doors closed.

"Thor is alone sir." JARVIS answers, before he can ask. Tony pouts.

"Do I gotta?" He whines. Fiddling with his hair.

"I think you need to Sir." JARVIS answers, sounding fond and exasperated. Tony is once again incredibly proud of JARVIS's coding.

"Well if you think so." Tony says, stepping out when the door opens. "Thor!" He calls, rolling back on his heels.

"Brother Anthony did you enjoy the coffee I brought?" Thor asks, voice loud, but not overly so.

"I did thank you." Tony replies, it’s a lie, but Thor doesn’t need to know he was too anxious to remember to drink it. Thor beams at him.

"Good, why have you come to my quarters. Is there a hunt?" He asks, Tony stifles an awkward laugh.

"No hunt. I, um well. Look Thor this is really hard to say, but I don't like being handed things, it's a trust issue, life issue, issue thing. Even knowing it's a joke you're playing on everyone the thought of you handing me the hammer is a really stressful thing for me." Tony sighs, hands shoved deep in his pockets and a faux casual smile on his face. Despite him seeming like an airhead, Tony knows Thor can be observant, and Thor recognizes his media smile.

"It's not a problem with pranks though?" Thor asks, face incredibly serious. As if the idea of hating pranks would be sacrilegious, although with the god of pranks for a brother that would make sense.

"No, if you can get me with some other prank that would be fine, I just don't like being handed things." Tony explains, relaxing for the first time in days.

"Then I will endeavor to find some other prank for you man of Iron." Thor declares, Tony beams at him.

"You better watch your back big guy, or I might prank you first." Tony taunts. Thor laughs jovially.

"No one can prank the great Thor, but I encourage you to try!" His laughter booms in the small room.

"Oh I'll try big guy." Tony taunts, relieved that Thor isn't holding onto the topic. "Now I gotta get back to the lab, but thanks for listening." He pats Thor's shoulder awkwardly, and finds himself dragged into a hug by the god.

"I endeavor you to invent a most creative prank." Thor taunts after him Tony is laughing when he enters the elevator. The doors slide silently shut behind him.

"How'd I do J?" Tony asks. His voice is still a little shaky.

"Very well Sir. Thank you for speaking up, I do not like seeing you in distress." JARVIS admits. Tony beams.

"Aw J I love you too." Tony replies, but he can't help feeling guilty that it was so easy to talk to Thor when he couldn't talk to his boyfriends.


	4. On Nightmares and Silence

Tony has never been a screamer, not in the way you're thinking, but in the fact that even with a battery strapped to his chest he didn't scream while being waterboarded. Based on this fact alone it is hardly surprising that Tony has never screamed his way out of a nightmare, not the way his boyfriends do. He does not toss and turn in bed, instead he grows still and quiet, perhaps his breathing picks up, but aside from that there is no outward sign that he's dreaming.

 

 

_Angry voices echo off cave walls, words Tony can't understand. There's the sound of water dripping from somewhere behind him. His hair is plastered to his forehead._

_"Breathe." A voice demands. He holds his breath as they plunge his head beneath the dirty water, tensing against the shocks from the battery in his chest._

_"If you agree they'll stop." A familiar voice says, heavily accented. They pull him out and he sees Yinsen, a gun pointed at his head._

_"No." Tony mumbles, and the safety flips off. The man holding the gun wavers, Tony isn't sure if he's ten rings or if Obie is in the room._

_"Agree and I'll live Tony." Yinsen pleads, Tony watches as Steve's face overtakes Yinsen's._

_"Howard would have saved me." Steve growls, and a shot rings out, silencing him. Steve's body slumps to the ground._

Tony's eyes snap open. His hands are trembling, and he's once again relieved he sleeps on the far side. Bucky is seated upright, gently shaking Steve.

"Buck!" Steve calls, shifting in his sleep.

"Steve, shh I'm okay." Bucky assures, gently shaking the man awake. "I'm right here." Steve is gasping for air and Tony fights back irrational envy at the comfort Bucky is providing.

"You, you, I couldn't stop you Buck." Steve is near tears, and Bucky doesn't hesitate to hold onto him. Tony tries to breath evenly.

"Course you could Steve." Bucky assures running his fingers through Steve's hair. Tony grabs his hand and squeezes trying not to look jealous. He knows they would comfort him if he asks, but he also knows they'd ask what the nightmares were about.

"I'm okay." Steve assures them. Tony nuzzles into his shoulder.

"Course you are Stevie. Wanna watch a movie?" Tony asks, his hands are still trembling, and he hides them under the blankets.

"Sure." Steve nods absently. Bucky curls into his side. Arm reaching out toward Tony fingers bumping against the arc reactor. Tony's breath freezes in his lungs.

"Tones?" Bucky asks, and he forced himself to relax into Steve's side.

"Hey Tony, I'm okay really." Steve assures. Tony smiles at him.

"I just worry." Tony assures. Bucky's fingers tap against the reactor again, and Tony flinches back.

"You're scared!" Bucky accuses. Steve gives him a look that is both concerned and reminiscent of a kicked puppy.

"Why are you scared?" Steve asks. Tony pulls his knees up to his chest.

"Bad memory. Sorry." Tony whispers, looking away.

"Tones, I hate to say this, but you're hiding something and I know it." Bucky tells him, climbing over Steve and Tony to wrap himself around the genius.

"It's nothing Buck. Just a bad dream." Tony replies. Steve glances at Bucky, a clear question on his face. Bucky shrugs in response.

"What happened in it?" Bucky asks. Tony whines low in his throat and tries to hide under Steve.

"C'mon babe." Steve prods, moving away enough that Bucky can still see him.

"You died because of me." Tony whispers. "You said Howard wouldn't have let you die." Tony looks down chewing anxiously at his lip.

"Oh baby, I'm right here. I'm okay." Steve assures, stroking Tony's hair comfortingly. Bucky wraps his left arm around Tony's waist, lips just below the genius's ear.

"We love you Tones, honest." 

"Hey Buck, what was that thing he used to say?" Steve asks, wrapping an arm around Bucky's shoulder. "Every time someone outdid him, god, he was brilliant Tony. He was so cocky too, just like you." Tony flinches but they don't notice.

"Stark men are made of Iron." Bucky quotes, trying to imitate Howard Stark's voice. Tony nearly shuts down.

"Hey is that why you called your suit iron man? Honoring your pops? That's real good of ya Tony." Steve says, smiling at him. Tony can feel the hairs on the back of his neck standing up.

"No." Tony whispers. "I did not do it to honor him." He's almost sneering, but he forces himself to breathe, despite the way he feels like his heart is being crushed.

"Woah, Tones calm down. It's not bad to love your old man." Bucky's voice is light and teasing.

"Of course it's not Buck. Hell most of the free world loves him." Tony shakes his head, not meeting his boyfriends eyes. Steve seems to have noticed that something is seriously wrong. "But I don't love my old man. Hell I don't even like my old man. I named it Iron Man so that I would always remember that the suit was designed not to be him. Because no matter how many times he tells me I'm made of Iron I'm not, and it's not." Tony hisses. He doesn't realize he's advanced toward his soldiers until Bucky is leaning away from him.

"Tony?" Steve reaches out for his arm, and Tony shakes himself, slipping out of his grip.

"It's okay, I know you guys thought he was great, but the man liked liquor, inventing, and prostitutes far more than he liked me." Tony shrugs. It's an understatement. It allows Steve and Bucky to still think he was an okay man if just a bad father. They don't need to know that Howard frequently handed Tony hot things, sharp things, heavy things, anything the boy would take. Not all his scars are caused by a personal lack of lab safety.

"Tones." Bucky demands his attention, gentle hands tilting his chin up.

"Buck." He mumbles, crossing his arms and not quite meeting the others eyes.

"No." Steve says, frowning. "We've been talking about him for weeks, if he was that bad you would have told us, wouldn't you?" Bucky looks as stricken as Steve feels. Tony stares resolutely at the floor.

"What did he do to you baby?" Bucky asks, tugging Tony into his arms, Tony allows himself to be tucked into the embrace, Steve behind him.

"He never hit me." Tony insists. Bucky's eyes go wide.

"That doesn't answer the question." Steve points out. Tony groans, and holds up his hands for inspection.

"Does this?" Tony asks, and Bucky notices scarring that implies a skin graft was used, so light that with the genius's usual constant motion it had been unnoticeable.

"Tones, is that a skin graft?" Bucky asks, Tony's nose rubs against Bucky's shirt as he nods.

"What?" Steve asks, thumb running over the more visible scars.

"Five-year-old’s only get lab access if they're useful." Tony shrugs, not meeting their eyes.

"I did it to myself. I kept going back hoping he'd appreciate me being there. Helping." Bucky is shushing him and Steve's hands cup his face.

"Sweetheart what he did to you is not your fault." Steve insists, Tony shrugs. Bucky's metal hand grabs his chin, but Tony studiously avoids eye contact despite the tilt of his chin.

"Tony you're going to listen to me now." Bucky states, Tony tries to nod. "Howard Stark was a right dick and nothing he did to you was your fault." Bucky states, Steve nods along.

"You think so?" Tony asks, hopeful eyes looking between the two.

“Oh baby.” One of them says, Tony isn’t sure which of them it is, bet there are arms wrapped around him and his cheek is squished against a rock hard super soldier pec. He allows them to cradle him in the space between them, whispered apologies falling on deaf ears as he focuses solely on the warmth the contact brings him.

“I’m sorry I ever thought Howard was a good person, or implied that you should be more like him.” Steve is mumbling into his hair, Tony ignores him. Humming happily into his chest.

“I love you.” Bucky offers once silence has fallen, Steve running out of things to apologize for. Tony nuzzles into him.

“Who wouldn’t?” Tony offers, teasing smirk pulling at this lips.

“No idea.” Steve replies, shooting for playful and landing somewhere in completely honest instead. Tony flushes at that, unsure how to respond. “I certainly love you.” Steve offers to once again break the silence.

“I love you both two you big lugs.” Tony replies, they smile and he feels soft kisses pressed to the skin available to each of them. “I’m so glad you aren’t mad I didn’t tell you.” He mumbles. “Was so scared when Nat found out.” His eyes are drifting close, but Steve stiffens slightly.

“Tony we aren’t pissed, but we are mad you let us hurt you talking about Howard.” The name leaves Bucky’s lips as if it’s dripping in acid. “We love you though.” Bucky assures before Tony has even thought to stress. Steve nods his agreement. “We just wish you would have trusted us.” Tony shifts quickly so he can see their faces.

“I do trust you.” Tony insists. “I do, I just know all you two have is your memories, I didn’t want to taint that.” He beseeches them to understand that he does trust them, he just wants them happy, always.

“Tones the memories aren’t all we have anymore.” Steve corrects, gentle as a summer breeze.

“We have you Tones.” Bucky says in response to Tony’s confused look. “We have you.”

"Aw you guys are so sappy." Tony teases. Bucky pins him with a disapproving look.

"Now, we got a little off topic but there is something we need to discuss Tones." Bucky says. "I know Steve has said some shit in the past, but we need to talk about your belief that he's constantly comparing you to Howard." Tony winces, wishing they could have further glossed over the topic, while Steve simply looks stricken.

"That was an awful thing for me to do, even if _He_ had been a perfect father it would be unfair of me to expect you to be anyone other than yourself, and if I didn't love who you are now I wouldn't still be dating you, so I hope you can forgive me for the horrible things I said to you, and understand that I love you Tony." Tony tries not to tear up, blinking furiously at Steve,

"I know Capsicle. I love you too." Tony manages to say around the watermelon that has suddenly wedged itself in his throat.

"I love you both too." Bucky butts in. "Even if you are both emotionally incompetent." He teases, Tony giggles despite the tears in his eyes, and they slowly settle down to sleep. "Sleep well my loves." Bucky whispers into the darkness, Tony coos in response, finding his boyfriend absolutely adorable in his sappiness. He lays in the warm embrace of two super soldiers finding that during their conversation he had gravitated to the middle of their snuggling pile. At some point the three of them must fall asleep because they wake up to Thor’s raucous laughter.

“What?” Tony asks, blinking his eyes open sleepily. He looks at the super soldiers beside him to find that they are all covered in glitter. “Yay! Art herpes!” He mumbles sarcastically. "What I always wanted."

“The internet is gonna love this.” Steve groans. Bucky just laughs with Thor shaking glitter from his hair, and leaping up to wrap Thor in a glittery hug. Tony just rolls over.

“I’m going back to sleep now. Good prank Thor.” Tony mumbles, Tony knows objectively that this will probably be hilarious in the morning, but right now it's interrupting his beauty sleep, and after all the emotions last night he certainly feels like he needs it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I may have gotten overzealous and posted two chapters in one day, but I mean I got the day off from work so enjoy.


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